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From: Deborah Stevenson (stevenso@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu)
Subject: The Bogbash Event: A (long) Fantasy Report
Newsgroups: rec.equestrian
Date: 1995/07/19
I know you all, as I did, had a fantastic time at the First Annual
Rec.Equestrian Bogbash and Festival Weekend last weekend; for those few
who didn't make it, and for those days when our memories begin to fade,
I will record my print impressions of this stupendous event. Feel free
to add your own memories or your suggestions for next year; I certainly
didn't see everything that went on there and we're all eager to make
next year's even more exciting.
Consider this to apply to everything that follows: :-)
Kris Carroll's rose garden was beautiful, and fortunately much larger
than we had realized. It was delightful to meet her daughter (we think
that's who it was behind those bars). Anneli Myer and David Kovar helped
ferry rec.eq'ers who couldn't otherwise have gotten there, but turnout
of horses, equestrians, and sundry other animals was astounding and they
arrived in all manner of ways. Johnny King's motorcycle made all the
Arabs bolt (you did come around that blind corner awfully fast, Johnny)
but all was saved when the team penners cut them back; Truman Prevatt,
arriving from Florida on Mystic, said she was a lot calmer the last
thousand miles.
The first event, Breed Bashing, was clearly popular. Rec.eq'ers wielded
nerf bats at each other's horses; judging was based on style as well as
ferocity of assault and the number of horses downed. The low degree of
difficulty on the Appys made them an unpopular target, and Marsha Jo
Hannah's Fjords simply fell asleep. This contest terminated abruptly
when our Trakhener obstacle, Kissmee, not only bashed back but chased
all competitors out of the pasture as Michael Czeiszperger futilely
attempted to make the trill sound that would bring her to a halt.
Next were the Name-Game Races, where teams of same-named rec.eq'ers had
to race yoked together. The Marys, led by Mary Healey, Mary Lark, Mary
Songster-Alpin, and Mary McHugh were considered heavy favorites due to
their extensive dressage background and their high threshold for pain.
The Kris/Kristi group (prominently featuring Mss. Carroll, Anderson, and
Hale) unfortunately bogged down in conversation and never finished. The
thundering herd of Lisas, including Lisas Becker, Stroyan, Krakowa, and
Lesa Cafferty, was a magnificent sight and outstripped the rest for
sheer magnitude. I modestly suggest that the Debos put up a gallant
fight (thanks to Levine, Clouser, Nix, Tangen and Moulton). There was a
bit of disturbance when the Laura/Laurie/Lora team was disqualified for
including Laurel McGilvery while the Teri/Terri/Terry/Theresa team was
permitted to compete, but all was forgotten when first over the finish
line came a striking matched team of Sandy Browns!
Long hours of design engineering and serious practice paid off when the
WISS MISSES finally made their bow in their offical Safety Knickers
(tm). I think all were surprised when they realized that the final
models included a fireworks feature, but such a symmetrical display of
literally red-hot rear ends while their owners formed a sky-high
pyramid, smiling in safety and comfort, was a sight that brought a tear
to more than one eye. Familiar faces were among those rear ends--Helena
Leane said she now understood the true meaning of "Down Under," while
Clare Aukofer was almost carried off due to a slight miscalculation in
ballast, but she avoided the power lines and we were able to bring her
down safely.
As for the crowning event, the bogbash itself, what can I say? You know
what high spirits, good sportsmanship, suppleness, and flexibility
prevailed, and this is a family post. I crouched down and served as the
midget (yes, that was me!), and I will simply say that Sheila Green is
actually quite negotiable on the issue of extra straps, and if that's
Terry's gun no *wonder* he's smiling. The talk of the evening, of
course, was the masked figure in head-to-toe black latex who offered
some exciting opposition and continually spiced up the proceedings. Was
it Morgana? CyberQuene? Or simply our fantasy bogbasher? (For those
concerned, by the way, yes, we practiced safe sex: no one was admitted
unless they wore a helmet approved to ASTM standards.)
A big vote of thanks to Sarah Ralston for planning all the
refreshments--we didn't want to involve a DQ so it was great to do it
alone. Donna Pattee unveiled her cooking talents and served up tasty
dishes without resorting to Spam--thanks, Donna! And I'm sure we've all
forgiven Patty Schwalm for spooking all the horses--and the people--by
leaving those empty cases of beer around. But keep 'em full next time!
Kudos also to Adrienne Regard for arranging the marshmallow roast
(changed from a weenie roast to avoid redundancy with the bogbash) and
the singalong. The smiths set up a great fire, and Alice Liesman liked
to sit right near the flames. Bets are still out as to whether it was
just hoof parings or horse manure that Tom Stovall stuck at the end of
his skewer, but I understand that after we kicked him out he, Bruce
Wilderoter, and Peter Van Dyke achieved cold fusion with a pile of old
horseshoes. I found the chorus of "Tennessee Stud," dedicated of course
to former Tennesseean Warner Granade, particularly moving.
Awards: Identity Confusion Awards were handed out to, among others, Sue
"Corey Lee" Bishop, Laura "Jim or Laura" Behning, and Karen "Sullys
Maze"; a special award was given to all aol rec eq'ers in this category.
Patty "formerly Patty not John" Schwalm made the presentation.
Togetherness Awards went to John Hasler and Robin Crickman, but
unfortunately their cash prize was returned as undeliverable by the post
office; Michael Czeizsperger and Lisa Becker, as runners-up, then
received the award. Martha Sellers was to have made this presentation
but was involved in a bizarre but fortunately not harmful equestrian
windsurfing accident.
Injuries were fortunately limited, despite the strenuous nature of the
weekend. Several of the men complained of chafing (unclean sheaths,
gentlemen?) and Sue Littlefield unfortunately squatted on her spurs in
all the excitement, but Charlotte Newell gave them all shots of Bute and
they carried right on ("Works for everything," was Dr. C.M.N.'s encomium
to the well-known wonder drug).
Magical moments and brief glimpses: Terry von Gease's polocrosse team
losing to Kris Anderson on board her mule leading a team of fat little
girls on ponies...Doug McKay, with cap pistols holstered, using Linda
Bowlby's sidesaddle to ride dressage on one of Anne Marchant's
Lipizzaners...Alicia Marciniak and Jessica Snyder straightfacedly
entering their Belgian *dogs* in the draft-horse pull...a slightly
inebriated Sheila Green (Warner, I told you to stop fixing her those
mint juleps) being restrained by Martha Sellers from going out and
connecting the dots on Katharine Cummings' Appies...Laurie Beckstead and
Jo van Rens getting silly and engaging in a double-entendre contest of
what English and Western pleasure *really* mean...Sue Wong counting Kris
C's insectivorous Muscovy ducks, worriedly inspecting Sing's feet, and
leaving hurriedly...Lars Perner shyly confessing that he liked Icelandic
horses and Steve King admitting he was partial to Cleveland Bays...
More: Phetsy Calderon teaching overseas visitors Phil Schmid, Benedicte
Basle, and Tami Kramer to whoop like proper cowpokes, leading Tami to
remark that this was why she had left America in the first place...the
discovery that Mary Healey lolls her tongue out during dressage *just
like Regis* and that Tom Stovall's own boots don't fit...Martha Sellers,
spangled up for the cross-dressing cross-discipline contest but losing
by a short latigo to Jessica Jahiel...The "Honored in the Breech if not
the Observance" Gallery displaying pictures of Wendy Milner and other
old friends, plus a pair of Tracy Scheinkman's brighly colored
jeans...Bob Kohl perking up when he saw blonde hair but looking
disappointed whenever it proved to be a person, not a horse...the equine
Sunday service, where several horses were confirmed (and nicely
too)...Cyndi Farson's faithful companion, the adoring
Rottweiler...Stefanie Stangier, Rebecca Hueske, and Truman Prevatt on
their hands and knees performing, respectively, the toelt, paso fine,
and running walk for an astonished Rosemarie Arbur (so you lost that
bet, Rosemarie!)...the late-night adaptation of the rec.eq motto to
"When I can't ride, I'm pissed!"
Thanks again to Kris Carroll for her gracious hospitality and her Martha
Stewart-esque housekeeping. And while I think we'll all remember the
event for a long, long time, it is nice to know that Joe Levy will be
providing videotapes.
Deborah Stevenson (stevenso@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu)
Bashing the bandwidth (Warner *made* me!) in Chicago, IL, USA
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