This page started in a 1997 JrRiders Journal when Emily posted this question: What qualities do you feel a good riding instructor should have? What aspects do you feel are bad and shouldn't be a part of a riding instructor's character? If you could create the perfect riding instructor, what would and wouldn't you want them to do? What kind of character should a riding instructor have?

You have such high standards.
I can't meet them all.
I'm only a human being,
Sometime I'm gonna fall.

I try my hardest,
But trying's not enough.
I still blow up and say
Alot of unnecessary stuff.

Could you ease the expectations,
Give me some space.
Just allow me to mess up
With out your accusations to face.

You have such high standards.
I can't meet them all.
I'm only a human being,
Sometime I'm gonna fall.

I know I'm not perfect
And I'm often wrong.
There's so much to live up to,
The list is very long.

I'm not saying to
Just let me run free.
I just wish you'd realize you
Can't expect everything from me.

You have such high standards.
I can't meet them all.
I'm only a human being,
Sometime I'm gonna fall.

Some time I'm gonna fall.
I know I'm gonna fall.
Please. . .
catch me when I fall.

From: AJ

As far as I'm concerned, there are three absolute **musts** in a good coach:

1. An ability to communicate ideas
2. A mutual coach/student respect, and (of course),
3. An ability to ride well

As long as those elements are there, it's all a matter of finding not just a good coach, but a good coach for **you**. I strongly believe that no matter how wonderful any instructor or any rider is, there's someone out there they won't work well with. Sometimes it's a communication problem, sometimes it's simply their mannerisms or their particular philosophies and beliefs. Some coaches are too tough for some riders and some are too soft for others. For me, personally, I *enjoy* having a coach that will challenge me beyond my absolute physical and mental limit. My coach is *extremely* hard on me and she's constantly after me for *something*. But love it! I love striving to reach the standards she sets for me. However, I know not everyone is like this. Some people would much rather the opposite: someone really encouraging, really understanding, who pays more attention to the positives than the negatives. These are what I consider the *musts* of the coach in a good coach/student combination:

1. Personalities that mesh well (they HAVE to like each other as *people*!!)
2. An understanding of the rider's personal goals and aspirations
3. Capability to help them reach these goals and aspirations
4. Respect for the student as a human being, even though the coach knows more about horses
5. Willingness to answer any of the rider's questions
6. Understanding of the rider's situation.

If all these elements go together, I think anyone that has the riding knowledge *can* be a "good instructor".

From: Michelle

Well the perfect instructor should be fun but still strict. Reward often with complements but not to often that you think you all that!! Sweet and gentle with the horses. But most of all the instructor must like people and LOVE i repeat LOVE horses

From: Whitney

I think riding instructors should be supportive and challenge you, but know that even though the oxer is only 2 ft. tall, it is also 2 ft. wide and makes you a little nervous, you know. ALOT of times Riata makes me nervous, Last week we were going over a line of four jumps and Riata refused the first one once, and then went over the first but refused the 2nd. Even though the jumps were *low* she had me spooked, but I got mad and just drove her over them. Then there was this brick wall, only like 2 and a half feet, but really solid. Riata and I just tootled on into the middle, and Larry asked no questions because he knew it could be disaster. I think an instructor should help you with other stuff, like if your martingale isn't adjusted right or if your legs aren't wrapped correctly. Instead of yelling or telling you to do it again, they should show you.

From: Kirsten

THE PERFECT INSTRUCTOR: This person should be infinitely patient, but yelling is permissible at times (see as follows). They should be able to admit when they're wrong, and know just how far to push their students the get them to put forth a maximum performance. Most of all, *they should tailor their teaching to the student*!!! By this I mean that if they're teaching a meek little girl who is scared of something, after many repetitions, they shouldn't yell, but if they're teaching a big kid who thinks they're scared of something ridiculous, the instructor can yell at the top of their lungs to make the kid do it and realize that it's not a big deal. This perfect instructor would have infinite horses so that every student could be matched to her riding ability, talent and needs. They would also have lots of working student programs, so that lots of kids who can't afford to pay for regular riding lessons can work for them.

My instructor Garnet Davideit, is a lot like this, except for the fact that she doesn't own her own barn, and only a few horses, so she has to work with what she's got. Garnet know just how much to push, but is very relaxed and versatile. When my horse is doing something dumb, or something new, she *always* tells me exactly why. She is full of information, and lets me "pick her brain" during breaks in the lesson. She is also really easy about lesson time. Most days, we go a bit over our specified hour, sometimes we're a bit under, but she doesn't look at the clock in the middle of an "intense" figure-eight with flying changes (when Axel's being dumb!) and say OH, time's up.... see ya. Another thing that I particularly like is the way Garnet stays with me while I'm cooling off and talks about the lesson. I think most instructors do this: it's a time to talk about things you don't understand and you short term goals with this horse.

From: Gabby

A loud voice.--]I messed up once and got yelled at because I couldn't hear the teacher. Patience. Able to make the rider feel good about themselves and know they can do it.

What aspects do you feel are bad and shouldn't be a part of a riding instructor's character? A temper. Always constantly yelling or scolding. Pushing you to the limit. Making you do something you're not ready for.

If you could create the perfect riding instructor, what would and wouldn't you want them to do? Well, I don't really need to create one since the one I have is what I would create. Let's see...she gives you hope. She's is honest and tells you what is bad about something but she also gives you an opportunity to fix it. She calms you down. She always knows what to do without thinking twice because of how long she's been doing it. She doesn't treat you like you just another one of her students. She gives you individual attention even when you're not in your lesson.

What kind of character should a riding instructor have? They should be calm and smooth. Optimistic because they'll be facing riders AND horses that look like they're the teem from H*ll. Nice always. Able to really devote their time and effort.

From: Sara

COACHES I think to be a good coach, the person first of all has to have a lot of experience and know what they're talking about. I think this makes someone a better coach, because in a difficult situation with a student they can say "Well when this happened to me I did this" or "this works, you might want to try it". I think coaches also have to have a lot of patience, and be willing to set small and achievable goals for their students. This also sets a good example for the student to be patient with their progress, and be very happy with even the smallest things. I also think coaches must treat all their students equally. I don't think it should matter if they like one person more for whatever reason...all the students should have the same opportunities. Being able to praise students is also a necessity, and I think belittling mistakes the students make shouldn't be tolerated. Coaches who reward students for progress (with praise) I also find are effective. I also think a coach must be willing to help most of the time, not just for the exact hour that you're having your lesson or training session. I think being able to ask your coach questions, or ask for advice outside lesson and training time is a definite plus. Most of all I think coaches have to love what they're doing, and really care about the horses and their students.

From: Laura

I think the perfect riding instructor would never yell at you and would tell you when you have done something good. I think riding instructors should have alot of patience. Something my riding teachers do that I think they should NEVER do is tell you how to do something and then next time tell you not to do it that way! I have had the perfect riding instructor before. Her name was Linda. She always told me how much potential I had and that I was a good rider. She also was a great rider herself so I could trust what she was saying. She was the best.

From: Steph

TRAINERS I don't really know what I would REALLY want in a trainer, b/c I've only had a few good ones. I know that Kathy, my current riding instructor, has taken me as far as she could, but is not prepared to admit that. I'd like a trainer that doesn't mind when you take a lesson every now and then form someone of your choice. I really enjoy taking lessons from Mary Schwentker, although I have to lie to my trainer about where we're taking my trailer. Mary understands people, firstly, and knows how to communicate with them.She won't overface horse or rider, but she gives you the choice. Kathy just assumes that the fence is too high, or you're too afraid, but she never talk with you about it. I'd also like a trainer that doesn't talk about you behind your back-- "Did you see Steph's lesson today- I can't believe she didn't jump that" or something like that, but never asking if you WANTED to jump it. Mary also understands your horse. That's often helpful and appreciated. I guess the category that all this fits into is "People Smarts." You know like being able to "read" people like a book. It sound kinda personal, like you wouldn't want someone like that around you, but those are the people that ask you what's wrong, before you know what's wrong yourself.... So i guess "PEOPLE SMARTS" would be my #1 want in a trainer.

From: JJ

Qualities in a trainer-I think a trainer should be firm but sensitive. She should be able to make you wake up and do it, but be able to understand it when you make a mistake.

From: Jen

Perfect Instructor: This is hard... I guess it would have to be someone who sort of has the same personality as me, cause then they would know how much yelling I can take before bursting into tears, they would know how much I could be pushed etc. Someone who explains what I am doing wrong, and how to correct it, like, not just tell me to carry my hands (my absolute *worst* habit) but tell me *why* I should, stuff like that. One thing I really like about Mrs.M is that she always asks us what we have learned at the end of the lesson, which really helps me, that's when I can ask questions and stuff. Linda just sorta runs off, and we never get a chance to ask her a question, or whatever... Mrs.M yells, and sometimes I just dread lessons with her, but I always learn alot!

From: Sarah

hmm, a good instructor (sorry, i'm a little late, more alter) A GOOD riding instructor shouldn't yell, praise alot, and give out pointers and help, but with a kind voice. My current instructor, Meri yells alot, and it makes me clam up, and not ask questions, were mean time i have been coaching with the person i am currently leasing jack from, and she is WONDERFUL! with Erika i can communicate with her, and with meri i get yelled at for asking a question, which makes me feel like it was a stupid question!

From: Caroline

PERFECT INSTRUCTOR: Well, I don't think that there is any such thing as the perfect instructor, but a lot of them a pretty close! One of these such people would be my riding instructor, Kate. She is so cool and lets me do whatever I feel like doing (within reason). She never yells at me but give constructive criticism. I have learnt so much stuff with her in the six months I've had her then in my entire eight years of riding!! She always does fun stuff like letting me join in another classes game of musical barrels, making up her own dressage tests for me to do and she always tries to make sure that I get my favorite horse Gambler. The funny thing is, she's only 16!! True. That's only one year older than me.

From: Richard

Anyway I thought I'd put my 2 cents in about the perfect instructor: I think the most important thing is to find an instructor that you enjoy working with in that you can talk to them about ANYTHING. it's important to find someone who will explain thing throughly and who won't yell or talk in a "pushy" tone, and if the instructor will allow it the most important thing (I think) is to become good friends with your instructor; some instructors keep it to a rider/instructor relationship though so it would depend.

A Jr rider posted: I've got a bit of a dilemma actually concerning riding, I'm trying to figure out whether to give up riding or not, this summer there were 1 or 2 times when my instructor almost made me break down crying during a lesson (once my eyes started to weld up with tears). Anyways I've never to this day gotten over it, I'm still rather hurt about it, I still haven't told my instructor about it; I've been thinking of writing her a letter and see what she says about it before I make a decision to Give up riding completely, on the other hand I thought maybe it's best if she doesn't know how much hurt it caused me, then she won't know she's the cause of me not returning. I couldn't change instructors I wouldn't feel right about it my heart just wouldn't let me do it. So what do you guys think I should do???

I think you should change instructors. This instructor is ruining what should be loads of fun for you. Could you please explain a bit more what you mean by you don't feel right about changing instructors? Is this person close to you or your family or something?

I would not give up riding at all. If you instructor is making you feel that bad, move to another barn. I had a dilemma like that, and I moved. It was hard, and I felt guilty, but know I am riding better then I ever had and I feel great over what I ave accomplished.

If you feel you need a break, take one. Sometimes just a few months without riding can freshen you up. That letter to your instructor sounds like a good idea.

I've a story on that. This is before my life entered the stage of the wonderful Speed land (ie. I didn't own Jeff or any other horse yet). During one of my many changes of barns I began to take lessons from this new barn-didn't like the old one. It was private lessons and the lady really didn't have much social skills. I was a bit young back then, lets see...8-9 years old. So I really got frustrated when she would be strict and stuff.

So I told my mom and she asked for another instructor. Well let me tell you something. That lady I'm sure was an awesome rider-it wasn't her fault that she wasn't a good teacher. Just because I changed teachers didn't mean it was the end of the world for her. i'm sure she understood. And when I changed teachers it was the best move of my life.

I think that you should talk to your instructor right out. Let her know what happened and what you are thinking of doing. If she acts like it wasn't her fault and says OK fine, just looks like she doesn't care then leave. BUT...never give up riding just because of one instructor. There are many more out there and I am sure you can fine the right one. Therefore on the other hand if she looks truly concerned or maybe even apologizes or talks about it with you then you should consider staying. That's what I would do! Hope I helped!

Don't give up riding!!! If you really love horses and horseback riding, then don't let a bad instructor turn you away from that!!! I think the first thing you have to do is tell your instructor what happened and how much it has been bothering you. Since you say you can't change instructors because it wouldn't feel right, then you need to deal with the instructor that you have. If you're not comfortable discussing this with your instructor on a first person basis, then you can write her a letter or ask someone else to talk to her for you. But you have to be prepared for the fact that your instructor may confront you about it eventually.

Don't quit riding because of your instructor. My feelings are the same as yours on changing instructors. It's difficult beforehand and you feel like you can't do it for whatever reason (guilt, etc.) However, you have no reason to feel this way no matter what your reason for changing instructors. Given your situation, you would have no reason to feel like you shouldn't change. Quitting riding is not the solution. Isn't quitting essentially the same situation with your current instructor as changing would be. I changed riding instructors a little over a year ago. Before doing so I felt the same way as you, but I am very glad that I did. My riding has progressed more in the past year than I had in twice that time with any other instructor. My current riding instructor comes as close as any to fitting your description of the perfect instructor. He knows a lot and is a great teacher, but also a great person just to know. It is difficult to learn when you are with someone who makes you feel lousy. Start looking for a new instructor, but don't quit. I think that unless you dislike riding you would be much happier after changing.

If you aren't happy with your instructor, you should talk to her and figure something out or change. About giving up horse riding, think about it. Do you really want to give it up because of your instructor? You'll miss out on alot of fun. So think about really hard and talk to someone (like maybe another instructor) about it. Before you decide to give it up think about it. Is it really worth throwing away because of one person?